Trouble setting goals for the new year? Do this instead.

The beginning of each new year was always a shining beacon of hope for me — This year will be different! I’d set goals and actually achieve them! That hope always fizzled out, courtesy of a total inability to stay on course. 

Everyone else seemed capable of working in a linear fashion towards a goal… why couldn’t I? The clue came when I tried a planner that was designed to link daily, weekly and monthly activities to the annual goals.

Every month, I’d do the reverse of what the planner designer intended: I’d change the annual goals to match the flavor of the month. Six months into the year, this annual goal page was nearly unintelligible with scratch-outs and scribbles in the margins.

It’s not that I couldn’t hit the target. The targets kept moving.

But I couldn’t help it! What I’d planned back in January was so… outdated. Passé. I’d gone way past January’s thinking. Other opportunities flashed before me (squirrel! squirrel!) that seemed much more interesting.

Can you relate, dear reader?

Traditional goal-setting doesn’t match how our brains work

Nowadays I no longer beat myself over my inability to work like everyone else. As a rebel with a cause, aka gifted adult, I understand my brain is wired differently.

Rebels are usually dazzled by too many possibilities. We think and move fast, love to explore, don’t stay in our lanes… which means a loss of interest in January’s goals is virtually guaranteed come springtime.

The moment we’re introduced to a new data point that changes the pattern, we see a new possibility. We need a different process that works with this gift instead of against it.

Replace goals with a compass

Let’s use the travel analogy. Goal-oriented people already know that they want to get from, say, Michigan to Brazil. This allows them to map their route and book planes, trains and automobiles accordingly.

But in the face of infinite options, we’re not 100% sure that we want to go to Brazil. I’d love to see the Northern Lights, work remotely from a fishing village in Egypt, plug into the innovation community in London, and/or ride the Trans-Siberian Rail to Mongolia. How to choose? 

We need an inner compass that consistently points us in the direction of our personal True North.

Instead of focusing on what we want to do (which changes constantly), focus on how we want to feel when our core needs are met.  Core needs, or “motivational DNA,” usually stay constant through most of our lives. Needs and feelings drive behavior, regardless of brain wiring.

Of the 12 core needs I’ve identified in my human-motivation research, three of them consistently show up in the humans I call Rebels with a Cause: Autonomy, Purpose and Belonging.

Every one of the Rebels I coach has chosen these three (plus a fourth) as part of their Inner Compass, but how they define these needs is incredibly unique. Their specialized skills, interests and their YES (what brings them alive) point them in different directions.

How do we know we’re going the right way? Not with our overactive brains. Instead, we feel it in our bodies. The compass lives inside us. We either feel impactful, free and connected (or however you want to feel)… or we don’t. And we can make our decisions accordingly.

With this reliable built-in compass, we can consistently and confidently move forward… even when we don’t know the destination. As one of my coachees wrote: 

“The Inner Compass has become more of a living document to me, a canvas I feel into and fine-tune periodically. Each time I come back to it I see more clearly how to give grace to the many facets of my identity in new and shifting work contexts.”

Play in your possibility space

The compass keeps us on track while we play and experiment to see what path lights us up, allowing the answers to emerge.

The compass sets the boundaries – we know we’re going North – and within this general direction lies a more manageable field of potential opportunities. I call this the possibility space.

“What can you take off the table?” is a question I ask a lot. The only surefire way to gain clarity on your YES is by removing all the NOs: clearing the possibility space of anything that doesn’t align with your compass.

There’s often an immediate sense of clarity once you take the NOs off the table, along with a sign of relief. This process removes the sense of overwhelm that Rebels often face, and allows the YESs to be more visible.

How will 2021 be different for you?

Here’s how you can make progress using your gifted brain wiring: 

  1. Identify how you want to feel in 2021. What lights you up? In what ways do your current job, career, relationships, geography, and life in general help you feel that way?
  2. Align or take off the table anything that doesn’t help you feel that way (this is usually a gradual process!)
  3. Pluck the low-hanging fruit. For example, since I can’t travel, I scratch my freedom and creativity itch with photography day trips out of the city. What can you start doing right now that activate your core needs and emotions?
  4. Experiment. Talk with people who are already playing in your possibility space. Try things on for size.
  5. Feel your way forwardnavigating like a bat. What feels like a YES?
  6. Each month, measure how well your emotional needs are being met… not whether you’ve checked a bunch of to-do’s.

One more option, if you’d like some help within a supportive community: join the Rebels in Transition group: an 8-week group program to design your Inner Compass, along with your unique Archetypes, and experiment your way into a more authentic life. Limited to 10 people, there are still a couple spots left. 

Authentically yours,

PS. For a more customized, hands-on experience, I have two spots open for 1:1 coaching. Book a no-obligation call with me to see if there’s a fit.

PPS. Get these weekly posts in your inbox!

Why transitions are so hard for rebels with a cause

They say that you don’t find your niche; niches find you. The more I understand myself, the more rebels I coach, the more I learn about the unique neurology of the gifted adult, I have surrendered to the knowledge that my sweet spot is helping ‘rebels with a cause’ through transitions — to a more authentic life, a better-fit job, or creating a new venture. And, I can see clearly in hindsight that I’ve always preferred working in this liminal space of possibility.

Transitions are usually more difficult for rebels, which is my term for the gifted adult: resistors of the status quo, constant askers of why, obsessors over fairness and justice. We tend to be dazzled by far too many possibilities, endlessly diverging while being deeply uncomfortable with converging. Diverging keeps us in the realm of possibility, while converging… well, that just triggers FOMO. What if we choose the wrong thing?

Our minds are like the starry sky

We’re divergent because our brains take in more information than most humans. We have low “latent inhibition,” meaning that our brain’s filter is more open and permeable, yet we also have higher working memory and intelligence to use all that extra information productively, connecting dots previously disconnected.

I like to use the starry sky as an analogy: when there’s less light pollution, the atmosphere is clearer; we see billions of stars whereas people in big cities can only see a handful of the brightest ones. We quite literally see what others can’t (which explains why they often look at us like we’re crazy when we point out that never-seen-before constellation.)

When faced with a transition, the neurotypical human — let’s say someone living in LA or London — looks at the equivalent of the night sky and sees limited options. This human can move in a straight, linear way to the next best option; the constellation pattern between a handful of stars seems clear and obvious.

Rebels, on the other hand, can be nearly paralyzed by too many choices. The night sky in the desert is dazzling and often overwhelming. It seems easier to stay where you are in this converged position, rather than explore what appears to be infinite possibility.

We need different tools to explore our options

Casual stargazers are content to rely on their eyes to discern patterns, but serious ones know that they need more advanced tools. If you’re searching for another planet that could provide a perfect habitat for you, a space telescope and spectrograph would be more helpful to narrow down your options.

Lucky for us, we have similar sense-making tools built right in. Our inner wisdom is powered by over 100 million neurons in our guts, and 40 million in our heart areas. I call it “navigating like a bat,” sensing rather than seeing or intellectualizing decisions. We can also turn to our core needs and emotions that drive our decisions. Sadly, Rebels tend to be over-reliant on overactive brains while neglecting the immense wisdom in our bodies.

Questions:

  • Do you know what a whole-body YES feels like in your body?
  • Do you know what NO feels like, and are you willing to take NOs off the table?
  • How do you want to feel? Which direction will help you feel more of that?

IS IT TIME FOR A TRANSITION?

I’ve developed a process called the Inner Compass that uses these senses, plus core needs, emotions and Archetypes, to narrow down the field of possibility to the options that best fit you and your unique gifts. Then we can experiment, testing and learning our way to a whole-body YES.

I have one 1:1 coaching spot left in 2020! I’m also developing a lower-priced group coaching program for developing your Inner Compass to navigate your transition. If you’re intrigued, simply click here for more.