It’s not (always) a sign that you’re doing the wrong thing.
I absolutely love what I do. And I’ve been working really hard, trying to get some movement and closure on some projects. A friend of mine commented yesterday, “I thought you were all about intentional life/work design… why are you working so hard?”
Well, I’m building something that I care about. I’m passionate about helping leaders with quirky brains see, embrace and express their gifts; they’re the game-changers who will change this world. I love this work: coaching, writing, creating courses. I love the fact that I’m now in Istanbul listening to the seagulls and the call to prayer as I write this.
And… I hit a wall yesterday.
I sat down three times to write this weekly newsletter and the words simply didn’t come.
I’m tapped out. And that’s ok.
This week, one of my clients shared the song, “Turn, turn, turn” by the Byrds. To everything there is a season.
A time to get in the zone and work around the clock, if that’s what you want to do. And also a time to walk away from the computer for an hour, a day, a weekend or a week.
A time to recharge.
A time to connect.
A time for silence.
This feels qualitatively different than when I hit burnout three years ago. Then, I wasn’t aligned with my truth. Consulting seemed intellectually right; my brain was happy but my soul was starved.
Nothing’s perfect in this world… but I’ve designed a life and work that’s fully in line with my identity, strengths and limitations. In general, it feels really easy. The only time it’s not easy is when I push myself a little too hard, and I know to listen to my body when it’s time to slow down.
My only real job is to be honest with myself and with you. To be fully human and give myself permission to feel whatever comes up, and honor that truth.
Interestingly…. when I choose to slow down and feel what wants to be felt, the words come.
I’ll spend the next couple days wandering with my camera around an empty Istanbul, then flying to the sunny diving town of Dahab, Egypt (where, reportedly, there’s no COVID!) to chill out a bit more before jumping back into work I love.
Lucky me, right? But it’s not luck… this is the life I’ve chosen and created.
What is your authentic life that’s ready to be born? I’d love to hear from you.
PS. If you’re ready to design a life and work that is deeply authentic and true, I have one 1:1 spot left. You can chat with me here. Or, put your name on the wait list for cohort 2 of Intentional Rebels.
Once upon a time, life didn’t change much. We all had a bit more control. We could set a goal in our lives or work, and draw a straight-line action plan to get there. This approach is a bit like making a movie: decide on the plot, write the script, hire the actors, and produce. Ta-dah! A nice linear process, like an assembly line.
Of course life no longer works like this. Maybe it never did. This linear approach helped us be a bit more efficient, but it doesn’t satisfactorily deal with the messiness of reality; the constant change; the fact that there are far more interesting opportunities than we have time to chase, with new ones are emerging all the time. How do we focus?
Instead of imposing even tighter controls, let’s play with a different analogy: improv theater. Here we choose the cast, but we don’t choose the plot and neither do the actors. The actors call out to the audience to provide constraints: Tell us a character! A place! A time period! And within these constraints provided by the audience, the show can begin. The plot emerges within the bounds of an intention.
This is the power of both/and, not either/or. It’s both intentional and emergent; top down and bottom up, planned yet agile. The path becomes clear through iteration and experimentation.
how is intent best defined?
In our default mode, we choose a “what” to aim for. What do we want to do, make, accomplish? But in an uncertain world, the what is constantly changing. Focusing on a what is a bit like the movie analogy; we’ve narrowed in a bit too much on scripting the details instead of holding space for a variety of whats to emerge.
Simon Sinek says we should start with why instead of what, because why — a sense of purpose – provides a way of orienting ourselves towards what doesn’t change. But what happens when your why and my why aren’t the same? In a business context, what if our collective why doesn’t resonate with customers and partners? Focusing on why risks being rather self-centric — what’s important to me instead of we.
While I can’t fault the logic behind why, I prefer to start with who. Who is in our unique ecosystem — including myself — and what do we all care most about? Or… back to our movie analogy, there’s not much of a plot without the who. The main characters provide the storyline; the richness and emotional depth of the actors is what makes a film (or improv) a flop or a hit.
Who defines the what and the why. It makes sense that I’d focus here given my background in human-centric strategy and transformation. But I see now one critical ingredient that I’d missed in all my heady analysis; I’ll get to that in a minute. First, let’s explore the power of who.
What holds it all together?
What’s the one thing that doesn’t change? Is there such a thing? Yes… it’s our human nature: Our 12 core human needs, and how we feel when those needs are met. It’s this unchanging part of who that ensures Romeo and Juliet is still relevant 5 centuries after it was penned by Shakespeare. It’s this deep, felt experience of love or safety or freedom or creativity or belonging (etc etc) that serves as the glue (the intent) for the some of the most complex businesses on the planet.. and yes, it works magically in our personal lives as well.
I dare you to name a single wildly successful brand that doesn’t tap into one core human need or emotion. They all do. Amazon, Netflix, Uber, etc. = control (I want what I want, when I want it.) Virgin = autonomy and freedom. The largest incumbent in every category = security (“no one got fired for buying IBM.”) Apple = control + creativity. AirBnB = belonging and diversity. The list goes on. The best ones pull even more meaning and purpose (why) into this emotional container, along with more who… the sense of shared identity (rebels, creators, helpers, hosts, etc.). This focus on a Who — a tribe with shared needs and values — allows brands like Apple and Virgin to extend far beyond their original what into other categories, magnetizing customers, employees and partners along the way, without losing their essence.
Pre-sabbatical, I assumed the most important who in a business context is the customer; they pay the bills, after all. So I’d lay out this elegant strategy on how to orchestrate a complex global enterprise around a need or emotion that was most predictive of business outcomes, and I’d hear, “but we don’t have a Steve Jobs.” I’d reply, “You don’t need one. Simply replicate what he and others did. Here’s the recipe.” As if it were that simple.
I was wrong.
The most impactful leaders in the world magnetize global ecosystems because of who they are, not what they do. They know themselves deeply and unapologetically. They’ve doubled down on their strengths. And because they listen to their own inner wisdom, they can hear and have empathy for others. They stand on what I call the “ground of power”… the source of authenticity and individuality that allows them to balance security with flow, stability with freedom. Intent + improv… both/and. As within, so without.
This type of leader also understands the power of coherence. Coherent light is a laser that can cut through steel, while diffuse light is powerless. Coherence that harnesses the power of empathy and emotion? Unstoppable. And this requires a different way of seeing the world: connections, not compartments. Similarities, not differences.
Leaders or entrepreneurs who truly know themselves will naturally create coherence within their teams, partners and customers. A metaphorical casting call, likeminded people are drawn to their visions and identities. This doesn’t negate diversity, by the way; a mindset or emotion (what I call “motivational DNA”) serves as the golden thread that weaves through a host of differences and thinking styles.
When leaders, teams, employees, customers and partners are drawn by the same motivating force, it’s as if an ecosystem emerges from nothing. The power of attraction is activated.
How to harness WHO
Perhaps you’d like to start a business but are unsure where to begin… or you want to take your business to the next level. Or, heck, you simply want clarity in your own life… to be able to make forward progress when your what isn’t clear. My suggestion is to start with who.
Know thyself as a leader. Embrace your entire identity and what makes you unique. What core needs have motivated your decisions in the past? How are you wired? How do you want to feel in your life and work?
Know thy team. If I’m primarily motivated by freedom and you’re primarily motivated by security, we’re going to run into some fundamental sticking points: our motivational DNA isn’t complementary. That doesn’t mean we can’t work together; this is a wonderful opportunity to celebrate what freedom and security bring to the party and find the middle ground. But it could also be true that one of us is in the wrong place.
Know thy customer. This is the person who is responsible for paying the bills, yet too often they’re left out of the culture conversation. What will magnetize them to your brand? How do they want to feel, and how does that inform your business model, offerings, extended partnerships and, yes, internal culture?
Now it’s time to find the golden thread. In the midst of diversity, you’ll find similarity… and it’s the similarity that unifies us. That encourages to bring our whole selves to work. That breaks down silos and helps us all grow together.
The similarity provides the Intent: the stage for the improv (or to use geeky terms, the platform for the ecosystem). Now all the actors can play, experiment, and be agile without being at odds with one another. “You understand me; I belong with you” is what prospective employees and customers think as they are drawn like iron to the magnet that is our shared humanity.
I’m a rebel with a cause who’s helping other “rebels with causes” create more freedom and impact in their lives and work (a tangible example of what I just wrote!) I’m no longer doing strategy, but I can advise, review your strategy and make suggestions, assess the motivational DNA for you and your teams, facilitate a workshop, or guide you in a 1:1 journey to gain clarity on your who, why and what (in other words, what I offer can easily evolve around the who). Learn more here.
Since Rene Descartes developed Rationalism back in the early 1600s, we in the Western world have put the logical, analyzing mind on a pedestal. According to Descartes, “reason alone determined knowledge, and that this could be done independently of the senses.” He also argued that the mind is separate from the body.
Today we see the effects of Descartes’ left-brain worship. Organizations are fragmented into departmental boxes and org charts. The healthcare profession is fragmented and specialized, rarely treating individuals as a whole. Schools teach subjects in isolation from one another, teaching kids from an early age that compartments are king.
But is this how we really work? Humans, organizations and societies are complex systems with feelings and vulnerabilities… interconnected wholes that cannot be reduced into pieces and parts. The consequences of the rationalist approach can be seen everywhere, but let’s stick with the ones for business:
sterile and soul-killing cultures, which kill employee loyalty
fragmented customer experiences, which kill customer loyalty
proliferating and competing strategies, which kill efficiencies and forward momentum
businesses rewarded for measurable short-term gains at the expense of the broader society and environment in which they operate
becoming whole humans
The outer world is fragmented because we’ve chopped ourselves up on the inside. Individuals who aren’t comfortable in their bodies retreat to the perceived safety of the brain; those who are comfortable in the realm of body, emotion and intuition reject the structure of the analytical mind. We’ve cut ourselves into two, with perilous consequences.
Insanity is, of course, doing the same things over and over again while expecting a different result. It’s time for a new approach: one that works with our humanity and the laws of nature instead of against them… one that embraces our whole selves and all the modes of intelligence that reside within.
The Whole Mind model recognizes that what we call “the mind” does not reside solely in our brains. Did you know that we have 100 million neurons in our guts? We have a felt wisdom in our bodies that has evolved over millennia. Logic and planning was the last to emerge, and must work in harmony with our other intelligences for us to be fully, humanly complete.
The model includes two brain-based modes (analyzing and connecting), two body-based modes (feeling and sensing), and a fifth that I call Orchestration: a meta-mode that knows when and how to use the other four.
If you have strength in….
Analyzing: You’re comfortable with structure, compartments and processes, and tend to make dramatic improvements in efficiencies. Structured thinking is also an effective way to gain clarity, solve problems, and prioritize actions and investments.
Connecting: Thanks to pattern-matching and divergent thinking, you can see things that Analyzing can’t: the gestalt, the “third way” beyond binary options, and innovative approaches borrowed from other sectors and contexts. This is the source of rapid intuition based on prior experience.
Sensing: You fully inhabit your body. You have a grounded energy and can feel “yes” and “no” intuitive responses; this inner barometer is rarely wrong. You likely have a strong presence that others can feel when you walk into a room. Check out this video where I explain how to use Sensing Mind to navigate like a bat.
Feeling: You’re deeply in touch with their own emotional world, and more likely to be empathetic in their work and personal lives. You can be more responsive rather than reactive: a powerful trait for a leader. Check out this video where I go into more detail on how Jobs and Dr. King mastered this mode.
Orchestrating: You have all the mind modes in their toolbox, and know when and how to apply them based on the context.
I stumbled into this model unintentionally. My brain is naturally wired for Connecting: lateral, emergent thinking. I can see patterns, the gestalt, and how everything is connected. But when I went to work at a management consulting firm, Connecting was beaten out of me in favor of a linear, logical approach that fit the PowerPoint factory process. I learned the Analyzing mode.
But I was a brain on a stick: all my energy was in my head, having disconnected myself from uncomfortable emotions in the body caused by trauma. I had no idea how to work with emotions, and the concept of somatics — body-based wisdom — was utterly foreign to me. Fast forward through a lot of coaching, therapy, 15 years of meditation, what finally did the trick were simple exercises that I now use in my own coaching practice.
Learning how to listen to my inner wisdom: what yes and no feel like in my body
Learning how to recognize and label emotions that arise
Following what lights me up and brings me joy
Stepping off the endless stress of the corporate hamster wheel to forge my own path that’s true to who I am.
I’ve developed all four mind modes, plus the ability to Orchestrate: in other words, to recognize which mode is needed given the context. This is a bit like having more tools in the toolbox and knowing how to wield each one. The most effective business and life strategies use all four Modes, which I’ll talk about further in a separate piece.
This model is highly relevant for leaders who want to bring more humanity into the workplace, improving culture and boosting loyalty of employees and customers. These are leaders who I call rebels with a cause: rejecting “business as usual” in favor of a new approach that creates the ripple effects of change well outside the bounds of their teams and companies… and unlocks the freedom to be our whole selves at work, which is how we thrive together.