The tension between feeling safe and feeling free

I was captivated by the freedom of a child playing in the surf in Sidi Kaouki, Morocco – April 2019

I’m now in the business of freedom. Just saying that out loud makes me so damn happy, because stuck was the theme for most of my adult life.  Stuck in jobs that didn’t light me up, stuck in a life that I was supposed to live, stuck in fear of not doing “it” right… “it” being nearly everything. The analogy that kept coming to mind was that of a grounded airplane, and I just couldn’t get lift-off.

After two years of physical freedom and a lot of solitude – roaming through the American West with my camera and camper in 2018, and through 14 countries in 2019 (this blog post photo is from the tiny surf town of Sidi Kaouki, Morocco) – the psychological baggage dropped away. I feel truly free for perhaps the first time in my life; a freedom that comes from being grounded in the truth of who I am.  

Hang on a minute… freedom comes from being grounded?

When I drop into my body to sense what freedom feels like, it’s light, expansive, untethered… as if I could rise unobstructed above the earth.

And yet I couldn’t feel free until I experienced true groundedness: the deep, rooted stability of a willow tree. This type of grounding is my source of safety and resilience. I maintain my balance during this coronavirus upheaval precisely because of this deep inner work. I liken it to the 300-foot-deep pylons that keep the San Francisco skyscrapers anchored in bedrock even as they’re built on sand; they sway, but don’t fall.

I’ve been so luxuriating in this feeling of safety and groundedness that it only recently occurred to me how free and liberated I feel. The head-scratcher is that my freedom was found in going down, not up. Like most universal truths, it’s a paradox.

Here are a few ways I am trying to articulate this concept… to myself and to the women I’m coaching, who are all wrestling with the tension between wanting to feel both safe and free:

Freedom doesn’t come from lifting off, like a bird or an airplane. Perhaps it comes from jumping: we squat low, feet planted on the earth, and use the immobility of the ground to spring into the air. It’s the freedom of a child jumping in the surf… this action is impossible in space.

Another angle, helpfully suggested by one of my readers which I like a lot: freedom is a kite. It’s the tension of being connected to the earth that allows it to fly higher. The stronger the attachment to the earth (perhaps connected to a pylon driven deep underground), the larger the kite and the higher it can fly.

What does freedom mean to you?

The freedom to travel and work remotely from anyplace you choose?

The freedom to speak your mind with confidence in the boardroom?

The freedom from the incessant voice in your head whispering that you’re not good enough, or not doing it right?

The freedom from burnout, drowning in to-do lists and expectations?

The freedom to simply be yourself without worrying what other people think?

The freedom to create the job you really want because you’ve invested in yourself?

All of these freedoms require a solid, immovable ground of being from which you can spring into a life that is true to who you really are.

Love, Jen


How can I serve you? I’m currently offering free coaching calls to professional women during coronavirus. You can access my calendar here. I can’t wait to meet you.

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